Empathy’s
Role
We
all have an idea in our mind what empathy means. In short, it is putting
ourselves in someone else’s shoes. But what does empathy really mean to us?
Nuts and bolts, what does it really mean to us? What value do we place on
empathy and how does having empathy for others affect our day to day life? Is
it of utmost importance or is it situational? Is it something we should always
incorporate into the way we view people? Do we value empathy against other
values that we feel are more important or perhaps more comfortable for us? I
have thought of this particular example many times, and I may have referenced
it elsewhere in this book. When people see a homeless person or someone begging
or panhandling for some spare change, often times this is responded to with
judgement. “If I give them money they will probably spend it on booze, drugs,
or cigarettes.” I have even heard people joke and say, “Ha! He’s probably got
more money than I do!” I have also seen the videos on YouTube that show that
there are indeed people that actually portray themselves as homeless and beg
for money, and at the end of the day, they walk around the corner, get in their
car and drive away.
Firstly,
if people are scamming us out of a few dollars, is that any reason to ignore
the people that are really hurting and need help? Let’s let God and karma deal
with the con-artists. Guard your own heart. Guard your own sense of compassion
and decency and look beyond the occasional thief. If we are looking for a
reason not to give though, I guess this one is as good as any! God judges your
heart, keep it on the right side of life. Don’t allow yourself to get jaded
into not caring. And also, don’t use it as a selfish motive for you to keep all
you have to yourself. Many times, we all get selfish with our treasure and our
time and will latch on to any excuse that will justify our action and sooth our
conscience. If you feel the need to justify your actions to yourself, that
should tell you something right there. It’s your conscience your trying to convince.
If your conscience is arguing with you, hey, it’s your conscience. Listen up!
Getting
back to empathy, when we are trying to decide whether or not to give a few
dollars to the poor, are we really trying to determine how they will spend the
money or are we trying to decide if we care enough to make someone’s life a
little better at the moment? Why do we experience all these mental gymnastics
when it comes to giving money away? There’s a reason for our internal
discussion. The reason is that we know better! If giving a few dollars to a
homeless person is going to financially cripple you, then by all means keep on
walking. If on the other hand you, like me, don’t even know how much money is
in your wallet at any given time, and the only time that you will miss it is
when you hand it to the homeless and hungry person, then you need to have
already decided in your head to do the right thing. This isn’t just a momentary
decision, it is a mindset. Your natural reaction should be to want to help, to
love, to love unconditionally. We could all use a bit more of a generous
spirit.
Any
really, why the judgement? Why do we care how they spend it? Does it and should
it matter to us? Really? They aren’t going to ‘do the right thing’ and add it
to their college fund! They aren’t putting new speakers in their car. If they
choose to spend it on a beer, what’s that to you? If they buy cigarettes, who
cares? That may be the only bright spot in their day! Be glad that you could
make that happen. We can spend lots of time deciding between Michelin tires or
Good Year tires for our car. The homeless person is walking the streets looking
for a safe place to sleep at night! Empathy! Perspective! Love!
If
you are so adamant that they spend the money wisely and don’t think that they will;
if you would consider yourself an enabler if they bought a 40 oz. can of beer,
then go buy them some food, or socks, or underwear. Always honestly examine
your motive for what you do. I can respect someone who feels like they would be
enabling a bad habit. I can’t respect someone who lies to themselves about why
they are looking for reasons not to help someone in dire straits. Unconditional
love says give! If you are looking for an ego pat on the back, that’s not
unconditional. If you are looking to help, to brighten someone’s day, go at it!
Unconditional
love can be so hard sometimes. I think we can grow closer to that ideal if we
try. In a sense it presents us with the same struggle as judgement. We all like
to think that we aren’t judgmental people, but we can quickly spot it in
others. How offended do we get when others accuse us of being judgmental? How
offended did you get by the previous few paragraphs? I know how those
accusations make me feel. We try to rationalize our judgement by passing it off
as being discerning, and we all know that discernment is a good thing. Who can
criticize me for being discerning?
Maybe
what we really need to do with our judging and our unconditional giving (giving
of whatever, money, love, time, emotions, food, etc.) conflicts is to stop
beating ourselves up and getting frustrated when we struggle. Acknowledge your
shortcomings and realize that you want to do better and put it behind you and
be better the next time a situation presents itself. It’s like any habit, it
takes a while to make that change. Keep working at it and give yourself time to
grow into the person you want to be. Yes, we judge. We need to judge and be
discerning. We also need to judge fairly. “For in the same way you judge others, you will be
judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” – Matt. 7:2.
Every person, every situation, and every experience is different. We should
understand that before we jump to conclusions about anyone or any situation. Do
we know everything we need to know about the back story? Do we know what it was
that caused the person to act the way they did? Do we know and understand all
that they’ve been through? Obviously not. Always be slow to judge. Always be
forgiving. Practice unconditional giving and love. Always be ready to give someone the
benefit of the doubt. Wouldn’t that be the way you would want others to treat
you? Empathy. Yes, it is important! It is very important!
