Empathy’s Role

We all have an idea in our mind what empathy means. In short, it is putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes. But what does empathy really mean to us? Nuts and bolts, what does it really mean to us? What value do we place on empathy and how does having empathy for others affect our day to day life? Is it of utmost importance or is it situational? Is it something we should always incorporate into the way we view people? Do we value empathy against other values that we feel are more important or perhaps more comfortable for us? I have thought of this particular example many times, and I may have referenced it elsewhere in this book. When people see a homeless person or someone begging or panhandling for some spare change, often times this is responded to with judgement. “If I give them money they will probably spend it on booze, drugs, or cigarettes.” I have even heard people joke and say, “Ha! He’s probably got more money than I do!” I have also seen the videos on YouTube that show that there are indeed people that actually portray themselves as homeless and beg for money, and at the end of the day, they walk around the corner, get in their car and drive away.

Firstly, if people are scamming us out of a few dollars, is that any reason to ignore the people that are really hurting and need help? Let’s let God and karma deal with the con-artists. Guard your own heart. Guard your own sense of compassion and decency and look beyond the occasional thief. If we are looking for a reason not to give though, I guess this one is as good as any! God judges your heart, keep it on the right side of life. Don’t allow yourself to get jaded into not caring. And also, don’t use it as a selfish motive for you to keep all you have to yourself. Many times, we all get selfish with our treasure and our time and will latch on to any excuse that will justify our action and sooth our conscience. If you feel the need to justify your actions to yourself, that should tell you something right there. It’s your conscience your trying to convince. If your conscience is arguing with you, hey, it’s your conscience. Listen up!

Getting back to empathy, when we are trying to decide whether or not to give a few dollars to the poor, are we really trying to determine how they will spend the money or are we trying to decide if we care enough to make someone’s life a little better at the moment? Why do we experience all these mental gymnastics when it comes to giving money away? There’s a reason for our internal discussion. The reason is that we know better! If giving a few dollars to a homeless person is going to financially cripple you, then by all means keep on walking. If on the other hand you, like me, don’t even know how much money is in your wallet at any given time, and the only time that you will miss it is when you hand it to the homeless and hungry person, then you need to have already decided in your head to do the right thing. This isn’t just a momentary decision, it is a mindset. Your natural reaction should be to want to help, to love, to love unconditionally. We could all use a bit more of a generous spirit.

Any really, why the judgement? Why do we care how they spend it? Does it and should it matter to us? Really? They aren’t going to ‘do the right thing’ and add it to their college fund! They aren’t putting new speakers in their car. If they choose to spend it on a beer, what’s that to you? If they buy cigarettes, who cares? That may be the only bright spot in their day! Be glad that you could make that happen. We can spend lots of time deciding between Michelin tires or Good Year tires for our car. The homeless person is walking the streets looking for a safe place to sleep at night! Empathy! Perspective! Love!

If you are so adamant that they spend the money wisely and don’t think that they will; if you would consider yourself an enabler if they bought a 40 oz. can of beer, then go buy them some food, or socks, or underwear. Always honestly examine your motive for what you do. I can respect someone who feels like they would be enabling a bad habit. I can’t respect someone who lies to themselves about why they are looking for reasons not to help someone in dire straits. Unconditional love says give! If you are looking for an ego pat on the back, that’s not unconditional. If you are looking to help, to brighten someone’s day, go at it!

Unconditional love can be so hard sometimes. I think we can grow closer to that ideal if we try. In a sense it presents us with the same struggle as judgement. We all like to think that we aren’t judgmental people, but we can quickly spot it in others. How offended do we get when others accuse us of being judgmental? How offended did you get by the previous few paragraphs? I know how those accusations make me feel. We try to rationalize our judgement by passing it off as being discerning, and we all know that discernment is a good thing. Who can criticize me for being discerning?

Maybe what we really need to do with our judging and our unconditional giving (giving of whatever, money, love, time, emotions, food, etc.) conflicts is to stop beating ourselves up and getting frustrated when we struggle. Acknowledge your shortcomings and realize that you want to do better and put it behind you and be better the next time a situation presents itself. It’s like any habit, it takes a while to make that change. Keep working at it and give yourself time to grow into the person you want to be. Yes, we judge. We need to judge and be discerning. We also need to judge fairly. “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” – Matt. 7:2. Every person, every situation, and every experience is different. We should understand that before we jump to conclusions about anyone or any situation. Do we know everything we need to know about the back story? Do we know what it was that caused the person to act the way they did? Do we know and understand all that they’ve been through? Obviously not. Always be slow to judge. Always be forgiving. Practice unconditional giving and love. Always be ready to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Wouldn’t that be the way you would want others to treat you? Empathy. Yes, it is important! It is very important!